| Reviews |
Graciela Sholander, http://dreamitdoit.net
IP Book Reviewers
Review previously posted at www.amazon.com
After years of mysterious fevers and symptoms no doctor could accurately diagnose, Nancy Draper’s 66-
year-old mother received a most unexpected and devastating diagnosis: she was HIV-positive. A blood
transfusion during heart bypass surgery had given her the deadly virus. Suddenly the family was thrust
into an emotional rollercoaster ride that dragged them through fear, anger, and confusion. But ultimately,
deep, abiding love for each other saw them through this painful journey with grace, hope, and dignity.
Nancy recounts everything in vivid detail. The narrative is delivered with simple honesty; nothing is sugar-
coated. Readers feel what it’s like to be in Nancy’s place as she struggles to help her dying mother find
answers and get the help she needs. What made the experience even more trying for Nancy and her
family was her parents’ decision to maintain silence about the diagnosis. In the late 80’s, AIDS hysteria
ran rampant, and people with AIDS were regularly discriminated against, shunned by neighbors and
friends. Silence was necessary, but silence became a heavy burden for Nancy.
After her mother died, Nancy found release by sharing her family’s personal, painful story with others,
one person at a time: her best friend, an AIDS support group member, a stranger at the airport whose
loved one also died of AIDS. Ultimately she reached a crucial decision. Nancy realized she needed to
write her mother’s story to open hearts and minds so that AIDS patients never again have to resort to
silence.
If you or someone you know has AIDS, A Burden of Silence can give you strength and comfort. You are
not alone – there are caring people out there willing and able to help you.
But A Burden of Silence isn’t just for people personally affected by AIDS. It’s for everyone. Filled with
poignant moments as an adult daughter becomes the “parent” lovingly caring for her dying mom, A
Burden of Silence reminds all of us two very important truths. One is that the little things we do for others
defines who we truly are inside, and the other is that the bond of love can see us through even the most
challenging of life’s circumstances.
More than a tribute to the human spirit, this book is a wake-up call, a reminder that through compassion
and understanding we can all help each other through our personal trials.
IP Book Reviewers
Review previously posted at www.amazon.com
After years of mysterious fevers and symptoms no doctor could accurately diagnose, Nancy Draper’s 66-
year-old mother received a most unexpected and devastating diagnosis: she was HIV-positive. A blood
transfusion during heart bypass surgery had given her the deadly virus. Suddenly the family was thrust
into an emotional rollercoaster ride that dragged them through fear, anger, and confusion. But ultimately,
deep, abiding love for each other saw them through this painful journey with grace, hope, and dignity.
Nancy recounts everything in vivid detail. The narrative is delivered with simple honesty; nothing is sugar-
coated. Readers feel what it’s like to be in Nancy’s place as she struggles to help her dying mother find
answers and get the help she needs. What made the experience even more trying for Nancy and her
family was her parents’ decision to maintain silence about the diagnosis. In the late 80’s, AIDS hysteria
ran rampant, and people with AIDS were regularly discriminated against, shunned by neighbors and
friends. Silence was necessary, but silence became a heavy burden for Nancy.
After her mother died, Nancy found release by sharing her family’s personal, painful story with others,
one person at a time: her best friend, an AIDS support group member, a stranger at the airport whose
loved one also died of AIDS. Ultimately she reached a crucial decision. Nancy realized she needed to
write her mother’s story to open hearts and minds so that AIDS patients never again have to resort to
silence.
If you or someone you know has AIDS, A Burden of Silence can give you strength and comfort. You are
not alone – there are caring people out there willing and able to help you.
But A Burden of Silence isn’t just for people personally affected by AIDS. It’s for everyone. Filled with
poignant moments as an adult daughter becomes the “parent” lovingly caring for her dying mom, A
Burden of Silence reminds all of us two very important truths. One is that the little things we do for others
defines who we truly are inside, and the other is that the bond of love can see us through even the most
challenging of life’s circumstances.
More than a tribute to the human spirit, this book is a wake-up call, a reminder that through compassion
and understanding we can all help each other through our personal trials.
A Heart-felt Tribute , February 16, 2005
Reviewer: R. Boyd "lovestoreadbooks" (Defiance, Ohio United States) -
Even with all the publicity about AIDS today, there aren't enough books out there that describes a
personal battle with this dreaded disease. This book is a wonderful attribute to the author's mother ~~
and a courageous story of her mother's battle against the stigma of having AIDS. I will even admit that
when I first hear or read the word AIDS, I automatically think of the movie, "Philadelphia," and the
courageous battles that those afflicted with the disease fight to get the virus studied so there will be a
cure for it someday.
I do recall reading about tainted blood transfusions back in the late 80s and early 90s ~~ but you don't
hear stories about those victims. Nancy Draper changed that. I will not be able to think of an AIDS victim
without thinking of her mother.
Not only did AIDS afflicted her mother, it afflicted her whole family ~~ not with the virus but with the
ignorance and the stigma associated with AIDS which people did consider it to be a gay disease. Nancy
kept her parents' wishes to keep silent about the real cause of her mother's illness ~~ but it was a
struggle for her. People's comments about not wanting to touch anyone if they knew that person had
AIDS left a silent echo in Nancy's life as she struggles to take care of her mother and to make her last
days comfortable. Her mother wanted so much to be held but she "felt dirty" and contaminated because
of this awful virus. People's impersonal reaction to her situation leaves one shaking their heads ~~ and at
the same time, reflective of how much more we need to educate people on this disease.
Nancy wrote a beautiful tribute to her mother and her mother should be proud. Nancy says that she wants
the world to know about how AIDS affect not just the individual, but the family as well and their friends. It is
one of the fastest-growing diseases out there and people need to be educated on what it is. This book is
a great start to educating people on what AIDS is and how it affects everyone's lives.
Reviewer: R. Boyd "lovestoreadbooks" (Defiance, Ohio United States) -
Even with all the publicity about AIDS today, there aren't enough books out there that describes a
personal battle with this dreaded disease. This book is a wonderful attribute to the author's mother ~~
and a courageous story of her mother's battle against the stigma of having AIDS. I will even admit that
when I first hear or read the word AIDS, I automatically think of the movie, "Philadelphia," and the
courageous battles that those afflicted with the disease fight to get the virus studied so there will be a
cure for it someday.
I do recall reading about tainted blood transfusions back in the late 80s and early 90s ~~ but you don't
hear stories about those victims. Nancy Draper changed that. I will not be able to think of an AIDS victim
without thinking of her mother.
Not only did AIDS afflicted her mother, it afflicted her whole family ~~ not with the virus but with the
ignorance and the stigma associated with AIDS which people did consider it to be a gay disease. Nancy
kept her parents' wishes to keep silent about the real cause of her mother's illness ~~ but it was a
struggle for her. People's comments about not wanting to touch anyone if they knew that person had
AIDS left a silent echo in Nancy's life as she struggles to take care of her mother and to make her last
days comfortable. Her mother wanted so much to be held but she "felt dirty" and contaminated because
of this awful virus. People's impersonal reaction to her situation leaves one shaking their heads ~~ and at
the same time, reflective of how much more we need to educate people on this disease.
Nancy wrote a beautiful tribute to her mother and her mother should be proud. Nancy says that she wants
the world to know about how AIDS affect not just the individual, but the family as well and their friends. It is
one of the fastest-growing diseases out there and people need to be educated on what it is. This book is
a great start to educating people on what AIDS is and how it affects everyone's lives.
A Caring Daughter Tells The Blunt Truth About AIDS, March 2, 2005
William Hare, Fort Lauderdale, United States
Nancy Draper was enjoying her life as a busy wife and mother in New Hampshire when she was hit with a
tremendous jolt. She was shocked to learn that her mother, a vital woman in her sixties, had been infected
with the AIDS virus. She provides a compelling account of her experiences in dealing with AIDS along with
those of her mother in "A Burden of Silence: My Mother's Battle with AIDS".
Nancy's mother had received blood from a contaminated pool from New York City while receiving a blood
transfusion. Those with knowledge of this tragedy failed to pass along word. Tragically, certain individuals
in authority placed a premium on protecting themselves and not providing vital information to family
members, beginning with Nancy's father.
Having been dealt this terrible blow, Nancy Draper summoned all the courage and energy at her disposal
to help her mother through her travail. A former teacher and current piano instructor, Nancy plainly likes
people and has an essentially optimistic viewpoint which shows through in her writing. She was therefore
stunned to observe that so many with whom she dealt in the health care field, rather than displaying the
type of caring compassion toward Nancy's mother that her situation warranted, instead sadly operated at
a cold distance.
When Nancy sought answers on how to ease her mother's painful burden she sometimes received more
of a shrug than helpful assistance. Incredibly, in one instance when she took her mother to a doctor's
office, he remained seated and did not even get up to acknowledge their presence. Such conduct is a
long step downward from the teachings of Hippocrates.
This book represents a straightforward account of Nancy Draper's experiences without any punches
being pulled, and as such there were negative experiences as well as, thankfully, positive ones as well. At
a time when Nancy's mother needed a game plan to reduce the level of pain she was forced to endure the
caring figure of Dr. Ann Webster emerged. As the director of the HIV/AIDS Program at the Mind/Body
Institute in Boston, Dr. Webster made available the most updated treatment in the new and rapidly
expanding holistic treatment area. "Nancy has given her mother's story a voice," Dr Webster stated
regarding "Burden of Silence", adding, "There are lessons for everyone in this book - lessons about
acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness."
Ann Pozen, Psy.D., president of the National Association for Victims of Transfusion-Acquired AIDS, Inc., of
Bethesda, Maryland, also provided a solid endorsement of "Burden of Silence":
"Nancy Draper has written a tender account of a daughter's devotion to her dying mother. The story,
about a grandmother who developed AIDS from a contaminated blood transfusion, will inspire admiration
for Ms. Draper's courage and persistence. It will also inspire rage against the blood banks that failed to
screen blood donations adequately."
In addition to assisting Nancy's mother in the important holistic medicine area, seeking to ease the
physical and mental pain she confronted, the act of bonding was also essential. During her mother's
ordeal as well as the painful period following her death Nancy Draper found additional strength through
interaction.
One of the most positive and impressive elements of her story is the message that strength can be
acquired through reaching out with full sensitivity toward those in a comparable situation. She writes
movingly about one such instance when she met a woman on an airplane who had lost a brother to AIDS.
They were able to provide needed comfort to one another, which was extended even further by group
interaction.
Draper correctly points out the terrible mistakes made in analyzing AIDS. She notes painfully how many
people she knew shunned dealing with her mother and other AIDS patients for fear that even a touch may
subject them to the disease. Another point well made was how long the federal government dragged its
feet before speaking out officially about AIDS. It was not until 1987 that President Ronald Reagan even
mentioned AIDS while numerous cases were being regularly reported from the early eighties.
The author relates to the tragedy of pernicious ignorance as a factor in hardening feelings toward AIDS
patients. Those familiar with the eighties recall the thundering denunciations of Jerry Falwell and Pat
Robertson in which they bluntly stated that AIDS sufferers were being punished for their sins. Their voices
were immediately silenced after statistics poured in from Africa revealing enormous numbers of AIDS
cases involving heterosexuals. Due to the substantial weight losses of sufferers, the disease became
known as Slims throughout Africa.
After devoting a section to hospice care and the role it played during her mother's final days Nancy
addresses the present and the future. She is proud of having contributed to the international AIDS quilt. In
so doing she has kept her mother's name alive as well as joining hands with others who have suffered
from AIDS by giving their lives and through empathizing with deaths of relatives and friends.
As Nancy Draper effectively argues, AIDS is a disease that should not prompt us to sweep it fearfully
under the rug as we atrophy in a well of ignorance. Any of us could acquire AIDS, it should remain a
paramount concern to all citizens of the world community, and together we must march forward to demand
the maximum in research and commitment toward finding a cure.
William Hare, Fort Lauderdale, United States
Nancy Draper was enjoying her life as a busy wife and mother in New Hampshire when she was hit with a
tremendous jolt. She was shocked to learn that her mother, a vital woman in her sixties, had been infected
with the AIDS virus. She provides a compelling account of her experiences in dealing with AIDS along with
those of her mother in "A Burden of Silence: My Mother's Battle with AIDS".
Nancy's mother had received blood from a contaminated pool from New York City while receiving a blood
transfusion. Those with knowledge of this tragedy failed to pass along word. Tragically, certain individuals
in authority placed a premium on protecting themselves and not providing vital information to family
members, beginning with Nancy's father.
Having been dealt this terrible blow, Nancy Draper summoned all the courage and energy at her disposal
to help her mother through her travail. A former teacher and current piano instructor, Nancy plainly likes
people and has an essentially optimistic viewpoint which shows through in her writing. She was therefore
stunned to observe that so many with whom she dealt in the health care field, rather than displaying the
type of caring compassion toward Nancy's mother that her situation warranted, instead sadly operated at
a cold distance.
When Nancy sought answers on how to ease her mother's painful burden she sometimes received more
of a shrug than helpful assistance. Incredibly, in one instance when she took her mother to a doctor's
office, he remained seated and did not even get up to acknowledge their presence. Such conduct is a
long step downward from the teachings of Hippocrates.
This book represents a straightforward account of Nancy Draper's experiences without any punches
being pulled, and as such there were negative experiences as well as, thankfully, positive ones as well. At
a time when Nancy's mother needed a game plan to reduce the level of pain she was forced to endure the
caring figure of Dr. Ann Webster emerged. As the director of the HIV/AIDS Program at the Mind/Body
Institute in Boston, Dr. Webster made available the most updated treatment in the new and rapidly
expanding holistic treatment area. "Nancy has given her mother's story a voice," Dr Webster stated
regarding "Burden of Silence", adding, "There are lessons for everyone in this book - lessons about
acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness."
Ann Pozen, Psy.D., president of the National Association for Victims of Transfusion-Acquired AIDS, Inc., of
Bethesda, Maryland, also provided a solid endorsement of "Burden of Silence":
"Nancy Draper has written a tender account of a daughter's devotion to her dying mother. The story,
about a grandmother who developed AIDS from a contaminated blood transfusion, will inspire admiration
for Ms. Draper's courage and persistence. It will also inspire rage against the blood banks that failed to
screen blood donations adequately."
In addition to assisting Nancy's mother in the important holistic medicine area, seeking to ease the
physical and mental pain she confronted, the act of bonding was also essential. During her mother's
ordeal as well as the painful period following her death Nancy Draper found additional strength through
interaction.
One of the most positive and impressive elements of her story is the message that strength can be
acquired through reaching out with full sensitivity toward those in a comparable situation. She writes
movingly about one such instance when she met a woman on an airplane who had lost a brother to AIDS.
They were able to provide needed comfort to one another, which was extended even further by group
interaction.
Draper correctly points out the terrible mistakes made in analyzing AIDS. She notes painfully how many
people she knew shunned dealing with her mother and other AIDS patients for fear that even a touch may
subject them to the disease. Another point well made was how long the federal government dragged its
feet before speaking out officially about AIDS. It was not until 1987 that President Ronald Reagan even
mentioned AIDS while numerous cases were being regularly reported from the early eighties.
The author relates to the tragedy of pernicious ignorance as a factor in hardening feelings toward AIDS
patients. Those familiar with the eighties recall the thundering denunciations of Jerry Falwell and Pat
Robertson in which they bluntly stated that AIDS sufferers were being punished for their sins. Their voices
were immediately silenced after statistics poured in from Africa revealing enormous numbers of AIDS
cases involving heterosexuals. Due to the substantial weight losses of sufferers, the disease became
known as Slims throughout Africa.
After devoting a section to hospice care and the role it played during her mother's final days Nancy
addresses the present and the future. She is proud of having contributed to the international AIDS quilt. In
so doing she has kept her mother's name alive as well as joining hands with others who have suffered
from AIDS by giving their lives and through empathizing with deaths of relatives and friends.
As Nancy Draper effectively argues, AIDS is a disease that should not prompt us to sweep it fearfully
under the rug as we atrophy in a well of ignorance. Any of us could acquire AIDS, it should remain a
paramount concern to all citizens of the world community, and together we must march forward to demand
the maximum in research and commitment toward finding a cure.
A reviewer MDUKORE@aol.com - Novelist and Playwright, May 20, 2005,'Attention must be paid.'
In the early eighties, most people believed that AIDS could only be contacted by homosexual men and
maybe junkies and Haitians. At first, it didn't even have a NAME. It was called 'That Gay Cancer.' Even
COSMOPOLITAN Magazine had an article about how women 'didn't have to worry.' The most important
message Nancy Draper's book THE BURDEN OF SILENCE conveys is that anyone can get the AIDS
virus...Someone as innocent as a new born nursing baby, whose mother unknowingly contracted the virus
via a blood transfusion given to her in during childbirth, and in Nancy Draper's case, it was her mother--a
66 year old GRANDMOTHER--who received tainted blood during heart surgery. Of course now, most of
the blood in the U.S. is tested, and people are more educated about how to prevent it, but there is
appalling number of people who STILL think you can get it from drinking from the same water glass as
someone with AIDS. IMAGINE--during the time when people knew nothing about it-- how a sixty-six year
old Grandmother felt when she was diagnosed. If Ms. Draper's mother had had breast cancer, people
would rally around her with support, but EVEN NOW it's hard to say, I have AIDS. IMAGINE, in the early
eighties trying to be open about it and fearing you might alienate friends...maybe in some cases, FAMILY.
The importance of A BURDEN OF SILENCE is that they're people who still don't understand the Virus, but
they can read about how one real person (in one of the lowest risk groups) not only coped with the
disease, but felt she had to hide it. By humanizing it down to one person, A BURDEN OF SILENCE is an
important book. People must know about compassion vs. fear. To quote Arthur Miller: 'Attention must be
paid.' Margaret Mitchell Dukore Novelist and Playwright.
In the early eighties, most people believed that AIDS could only be contacted by homosexual men and
maybe junkies and Haitians. At first, it didn't even have a NAME. It was called 'That Gay Cancer.' Even
COSMOPOLITAN Magazine had an article about how women 'didn't have to worry.' The most important
message Nancy Draper's book THE BURDEN OF SILENCE conveys is that anyone can get the AIDS
virus...Someone as innocent as a new born nursing baby, whose mother unknowingly contracted the virus
via a blood transfusion given to her in during childbirth, and in Nancy Draper's case, it was her mother--a
66 year old GRANDMOTHER--who received tainted blood during heart surgery. Of course now, most of
the blood in the U.S. is tested, and people are more educated about how to prevent it, but there is
appalling number of people who STILL think you can get it from drinking from the same water glass as
someone with AIDS. IMAGINE--during the time when people knew nothing about it-- how a sixty-six year
old Grandmother felt when she was diagnosed. If Ms. Draper's mother had had breast cancer, people
would rally around her with support, but EVEN NOW it's hard to say, I have AIDS. IMAGINE, in the early
eighties trying to be open about it and fearing you might alienate friends...maybe in some cases, FAMILY.
The importance of A BURDEN OF SILENCE is that they're people who still don't understand the Virus, but
they can read about how one real person (in one of the lowest risk groups) not only coped with the
disease, but felt she had to hide it. By humanizing it down to one person, A BURDEN OF SILENCE is an
important book. People must know about compassion vs. fear. To quote Arthur Miller: 'Attention must be
paid.' Margaret Mitchell Dukore Novelist and Playwright.
An incredibly sad story, a lesson about our health care system, March 31, 2006
Joanna Daneman (Middletown, Delaware
Nancy Draper had to face one of the saddest things ever to happen; her dear mother was
infected with AIDS through contaminated blood in a transfusion. This accidental infection led to a
long and painful illness, but what was even more painful for the Drapers was the way in which her
mother's illness was ultimately handled. Interestingly, well-known author Isaac Asimov also
received a contaminated transfusion and it was years until his widow published a book about his
last days. Some of his story is similar to Nancy Draper's experience with her mother.
The confusion of the 80's about the AIDS epidemic have repercussions even up to today. Back
in that decade, GRIDS (gay-related immune disorder) was known in the medical community, but
the threat to the public was not dealt with in a reasonable manner (was it stigmatized because an
unpopular segment of the population had the disease? See "And the Band Played On.") Then
the stigmatization of the disease preceded public health policy, and the lessons that had been
learned in the 1900's about tuberculosis were apparently forgotten. (TB was also stigmatized
and people were shunned with the disease until public policy established laws and santatoria to
treat the ill and protect the public.) Meanwhile, people were becoming ill and dying. Nancy's
mother faced the untruths, the stigmatization and the marginalization of her treatment.
Draper describes the family search for holistic care, for hospice help and how her mother's
illness affected the family. In some ways, this information is helpful to anyone with a family
member who has a terminal illness and is seeking the best and most appropriate care for their
loved one.
As a personal history/biography of someone with AIDS, this is interesting reading. As a story of
the deficiencies in our public health system, it's enlightening reading. It's not an easy book to
read, but an important one.
Joanna Daneman (Middletown, Delaware
Nancy Draper had to face one of the saddest things ever to happen; her dear mother was
infected with AIDS through contaminated blood in a transfusion. This accidental infection led to a
long and painful illness, but what was even more painful for the Drapers was the way in which her
mother's illness was ultimately handled. Interestingly, well-known author Isaac Asimov also
received a contaminated transfusion and it was years until his widow published a book about his
last days. Some of his story is similar to Nancy Draper's experience with her mother.
The confusion of the 80's about the AIDS epidemic have repercussions even up to today. Back
in that decade, GRIDS (gay-related immune disorder) was known in the medical community, but
the threat to the public was not dealt with in a reasonable manner (was it stigmatized because an
unpopular segment of the population had the disease? See "And the Band Played On.") Then
the stigmatization of the disease preceded public health policy, and the lessons that had been
learned in the 1900's about tuberculosis were apparently forgotten. (TB was also stigmatized
and people were shunned with the disease until public policy established laws and santatoria to
treat the ill and protect the public.) Meanwhile, people were becoming ill and dying. Nancy's
mother faced the untruths, the stigmatization and the marginalization of her treatment.
Draper describes the family search for holistic care, for hospice help and how her mother's
illness affected the family. In some ways, this information is helpful to anyone with a family
member who has a terminal illness and is seeking the best and most appropriate care for their
loved one.
As a personal history/biography of someone with AIDS, this is interesting reading. As a story of
the deficiencies in our public health system, it's enlightening reading. It's not an easy book to
read, but an important one.
Angel in Disguise, December 21, 2004
Reviewer: Nicolo Stabile (Orlando, FL) - See all my reviews
A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Nancy A. Draper at her book signing in a downtown book
shop. Before the event began, Nancy spoke with me all about her book and her life and I was absolutely
amazed. There are no words for the emotions "A Burden of Silence" will bring to you. Reading this book
placed me in a different state; one that I had never experienced before. At times, I didn't know exactly how
I should have reacted to what I was reading. She intimately addresses her feelings and makes readers
feel as if they too have lived out this experience in some way or another.
"A Burden of Silence" will make grown men cry, the spiritual man frustrated and angry, AIDS activists
proud, and drop the jaw of everyone else. I am thankful to have read this book and completely honored to
have met this author. I think she's an angel in disguise and I feel she will go on to do much more than she
has already done for HIV/AIDS victims. And when you read this book you'll realize that everyone of us,
infected or not, is indeed a victim of AIDS.
Reviewer: Nicolo Stabile (Orlando, FL) - See all my reviews
A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Nancy A. Draper at her book signing in a downtown book
shop. Before the event began, Nancy spoke with me all about her book and her life and I was absolutely
amazed. There are no words for the emotions "A Burden of Silence" will bring to you. Reading this book
placed me in a different state; one that I had never experienced before. At times, I didn't know exactly how
I should have reacted to what I was reading. She intimately addresses her feelings and makes readers
feel as if they too have lived out this experience in some way or another.
"A Burden of Silence" will make grown men cry, the spiritual man frustrated and angry, AIDS activists
proud, and drop the jaw of everyone else. I am thankful to have read this book and completely honored to
have met this author. I think she's an angel in disguise and I feel she will go on to do much more than she
has already done for HIV/AIDS victims. And when you read this book you'll realize that everyone of us,
infected or not, is indeed a victim of AIDS.
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